Canine Comedy of Manners

Canine Comedy of Manners
October 22nd, 2009

Can a new dog teach an old dog new tricks?

by Richard Markosian

Driving up the narrow, red brick road to La Caille stands a sign reading "No dogs allowed." But tonight there was an exception to this rule. As we hand over our car keys to the valet, it becomes clear why dogs aren't allowed. There are rare chickens roaming the premises, walking around with too many feathers around their legs, which makes them appear snooty. A giant swan is floating on the manicured pond. Our dog, Kiki, (or Keeks) immediately wants a taste of their blood.

Keeks' Golden Retriever bird hunting instincts kick in and all she sees is tasty flesh under the feathers. Thousands of years of her ancestors' training and breeding have given her an innate connection to birds and fowl. Her job is to kill these creatures and bring them back to her master. I dig my heels in and wrestle with her to the door.

Inside, we get a glass of wine while Keeks and our new dog, Louie, are served doggie treats served from champagne glasses. We don't see any other dogs and get worried. We are assured that other dogs will arrive.

We wouldn't normally be at a $200 per plate fundraiser for pets, but I've agreed to donate an auction item: a five minute "dogumentary" film. Since becoming a dog owner two years ago -- after always preferring cats -- I've come to have an appreciation for the canine. But our dog Keeks has an odd personality; she doesn't get real excited when we come home because she knows that we will go gaga over her -- no need to waste her energy. She doesn't bother to do as she is told unless she sees or smells a treat. Again, why waste the effort without a reward?

Three weeks ago we adopted another dog from the Super Pet Adoption event. His name is Louie. He was ditched at the Humane Society after his owners got a divorce. Louie is a 7-year-old Irish Setter and is the exact opposite of Keeks. He yearns for affection. He cries when I leave home. He whines when he hears my car coming. He is unrestrained and aggressive in his love, and unlike Keeks he wastes a ton of energy following me all around house and yard.

By six o'clock more dogs and owners have showed up. There is a silent auction area and an area where people are paying to have an artist sketch their dogs. We pay $25 to see the pet psychic. She told us to not give her too much information, so she can rely more on her psychic abilities. She doesn't guess that we just adopted Louie. But when we tell her she offers a lot of information about him. He wasn't well-treated, and he doesn't relate well in social settings yet, but he loves Kiki and she is teaching him how to behave.

If Keeks is teaching him how to behave, we are in for some trouble. Keeks is a rampant plopper. We can't walk two blocks before she decides we have gone far enough, and its time to rest in the grass watch the world. When she makes this decision there is no stopping her. We can drag her and she won't get up. She will sacrifice her body in her effort to not walk. Many times I have had to carry her home in my arms; she is ok with this as long as I prop her up so she can see.

Louie has shown Keeks how to go on a walk -- we now have a double leash that uses his power to prevent her from plopping. Keeks hates this leash and attempts to bite through it on every walk, but Louie won't allow her. He is like a locomotive; he can move very fast for a very long time. Kiki refuses to accept this new mode, and allows her collar to smash her ears and make it appear she is being pulled against her will. It's a pathetic demonstration, but its another wacky trait -- her flair for drama.

After auction items such as jewelry, car racing lessons and La Caille cooking classes have fetched over $1,000 each, its now time to auction my Utah Stories "dogumentary." The slide I provided isn't put on the screen -- no gorgeous pictures of Keeks, no Utah Stories. Instead it says Markosian Media. Maybe it wouldn't have made any difference, but my "dogumentary" -- which will probably require 15 hours of work only sells for $350. Regardless, I know it will still help a few dogs find new homes like we have for our great new dog Louie. How could anyone ever give up such a great dog?

Read the introduction to the October issue of Utah Stories Angels and Demons -- the demons that are protecting us and the angels who will kill you.