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Go Straight or Go Home
February 28th, 2009

From inner-city Detroit to Rexburg, Idaho: the story of a gay BYU Idaho student and the real reason he was kicked off campus.

by Jonny Glines

DeWon BYU Student
22-year-old DeWon Haughton

DeWon Haughton is many things: son, brother, student, friend and artist. But since the proposition 8 political storm, there are now two things about DeWon that might raise eyebrows for some people. DeWon is BYU Idaho alumni and he is gay. He left the school, but according to him, not on his terms. "They kicked me out for being homosexual," DeWon said.

"My sexuality does not define me. It is a part of me," said DeWon. That statement alone might be the one thing that DeWon wants people to understand the most. Having strong ties to both the Mormon religion and the gay community made life on BYU Idaho's campus like walking on a tight rope. DeWon is a convert to the LDS church and he "came out" after he was baptized. When he told his family, DeWon said the news was no surprise. "My mom was like, 'sweetheart, we've always known, and we love you no less.'"

DeWon wished he could have received the same support from his school that he had been given by his family. All of his friends were Mormons and most of them were returned missionaries who taught him as a convert. "They knew I was gay, but it was just one of those things that was up in the air that we never talked about," DeWon said.

DeWon was baptized in Detroit, Michigan. At first, he did not enjoy the missionary discussions, but he slowly became more interested. He was the first of his family to be baptized. In December of 2002, DeWon became a member of the LDS church and exactly one year later, he baptized his mother in December of 2003.

DeWon lived as an active church member in his inner-city neighborhood, but the overwhelming violence made life uncomfortable. "I didn't know how bad my neighborhood was until I got out," DeWon said. He lived by all the strict moral standards of the LDS gospel, which made BYU Idaho a top choice for its quality academics, inexpensive tuition, and above all: its location. For DeWon, Rexburg, Idaho is about as different from Detroit, Michigan as you can get. "It was the furthest school that I could think of, and that I knew I could get into. I really wanted to get out of Detroit and BYU Idaho was the first ticket that I saw."

DeWon said When he first arrived in Rexburg he felt like a fish out of water."It was absolute culture shock! It was crazy! My neighborhood in Detroit was bigger than all of Rexburg. I went from a predominant African-American neighborhood, to the complete opposite. I wanted something different, but when I got it, it was too extreme. Rexburg was almost like a screeching halt, as opposed to something a little slower paced," DeWon said.

DeWon BYU baptism
DeWon Haughton's baptism day.

DeWon studied numerous subjects at BYU Idaho. Psychology, biology, public relations, communications and English, were all in consideration for his major. He enjoyed the academic side to BYU Idaho very much. He said that everyone knew he was gay, but the only option was for him and everyone around him was to ignore his sexuality. He felt that he could never "be himself." He began to feel depressed in Rexburg. Finally, DeWon left the school, but not on his own terms. DeWon says he was kicked out because of his sexuality.

On paper, DeWon was kicked out of BYU Idaho because he did not live in "approved housing." However, DeWon said the housing issue was not by choice; it was a BYU administrative decision. At the time he lived in the BYU Idaho dorms. One weekend, he and a group of friends had a sleepover. All of DeWon's friends were straight. He said they "just hung-out, talked and laughed." When the conversations got to be too late, they decided it was better to spend the night than drive home so late. The BYU Idaho honor code says that all overnight guests in dorms must be pre-approved and they can never be from the opposite sex. The next day, DeWon was reported to the Dean.

Please Change or Please Leave

"The Dean asked me about the sleepover and I told him we had friends over that just stayed too late," DeWon said. "He then asked me if I was a homosexual and I said 'yes, but that it had nothing to do with it. There was a group of us, and we were just hanging out.' He asked me if I wanted help changing who I am and I said 'no.' After I refused to go to Evergreen, which is a program that helps LDS young men, young women correct their sexuality, he told me I would not be allowed to live in approved housing. You have to live in approved housing to go to BYU Idaho."

According to DeWon, overnight guests stay in BYU Idaho dorms without being pre-approved on a regular basis, but he is the first person to get kicked out of BYU Idaho for breaking the overnight guest honor code rule. He said none of the straight males were denied housing at the dorms. DeWon did have the opportunity to appeal the decision, but by then he decided he wanted out of Rexburg.

DeWon moved to Provo, where he continued living the LDS gospel standards, but his struggle to find peace with his religion and sexuality caused him to spirol down into depression. He felt suppressed and eventually made a difficult decision to leave the church. "It was hard because all of my friends were Mormon and because all of the fear the church instills in you," DeWon said. "They say you can be gay, but not act on those impulses. It's like: be you, but according to what we say you can be."

BYU Idaho Campus
BYU Idaho Campus.

DeWon is now considered an inactive member of the LDS Church. His mother has removed her membership from the church's records. He wants to make clear that he does not harbor any resentment towards the LDS church, or its members. He says he respects the church's decisions and the right of every LDS member to "believe what they want."

Today, Dewon resides in the Avenues in Salt Lake City and considers himself a "political person." But few might guess that DeWon sympathizes with the LDS church's involvement with proposition 8. He said, "I don't accept it, but I understand it." He definitely doesn't consider himself a "yes-on-8 activist," but he said you could call him a "realist."

"I've said this to a gay friend and he almost ripped my head off! We live in America. This is a predominantly Christian country and I'm part of the minority. If I don't like it, I should move. It's not that I wouldn't like to be married eventually; I just don't see [homosexual mariage] to be realistic in this country. I don't see that it will ever happen," said DeWon.

Next week DeWon will move to Tennessee to live with his father, but he plans to return to Salt Lake City. He says he is happier now than he ever has been. He has walked a difficult path, but says he wouldn't have done it any other way.

"I've learned a lot about myself. It helped me realize what I want out of life and what I don't' want. I don't regret my decision to join the LDS church, it made me the person who I am, but I wouldn't go back. I'm not really down with something that's not down with me," DeWon said with a smile.

Utah Stories contacted BYU Idaho for an interview and was referred to the BYU Honor Code

Reader Comments

Chris Valentine

DeWon sounds like a sweetheart... I'm probably the friend that almost ripped his head off, though. :)

Gay marriage is possible and realistic. Spain's population is almost entirely Christian and it's legal there. Canada isn't morally corrupt, either.

I don't think a 'political person' has the option to move when he's a minority in the country he loves. He is his country.

We are America.

The more voices that speak up (and thank you for that, DeWon), the more realistic and possible our movement is.

As recently as the 1970s the LDS church considered African Americans some kind of heathen or another and their congregation has practiced polygamy historically.

My point being, a church or any institution, like a good business, adapts its politics to charm its clients/members. The LDS church will accept its gay marriage when its congregation is more sympathetic to it.

As for BYU, remember when they made us wear dresses?

"While there is a lower class I am in it; while there is a criminal element I am of it; while there is a soul in prison, I am not free" - E. Debs.

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